Those scam emails that are usually from Nigeria have migrated to China. Imagine my surprise when I opened my email box recently and a “disgraced” customers minister emailed me (lil’ ole me!) looking for a partner to share his illicitly secured funds. It was the big break I was looking for: a corrupt official looking to team up with an expat for a big money opportunity. And it seems so different than those frauds people get sucked into! Nothing can possibly go wrong!!

Well, I looked up the official’s name. It turns out he actually is a fairly high officer, although I couldn’t find anything about the alleged illegal activity. At first I thought they meant either Cao Wenzhuang or Zheng Xiaoyu the two Chinese officials sentenced to death for taking bribes to turn a blind eye to safety issues in food and medicine. However the author seems to have picked a random official (I will leave out the name since he is innocent of any wrongdoing to my knowledge). Besides, I guess it has to be someone not caught yet in order to be useful, right? Below is the text of the email with small parts blanked out. Below the email I have a few comments about it.

*****

I want to apologise for contacting you through this manner. My name is [official’s name] ([official title]).

Forgive me if you see my business proposal as shameful and not honourable because of my governmental status.But please excuse me and understand that this is the situation I am and must find a credible partner outside China preferably in the western world where i intend to invest and help charity.

In my years of government service as Narcotics Control Commission and General Adminstration of Customs, I have received kick backs from smugglers and business people seeking favours from me and as a public officer my bank accounts are monitored hence I kept the funds Thirty Five million united states dollars for safe keeping abroad.

I want you to receive the money which has been in deposit since the last Two years.When the money is in your bank account, I want to use Thirty Percent of the money for charity to help orphanage Children suffering (You will spare head this project and my name will not be mentioned).You will receive Twenty Percent as your commission and I will take the remaining fifty Percent as my share which I intend to settle with in your country.

Please consider this proposal and reply to me soon. It will certainly do you no good to report me to my government authorities or give out this information to anybody because doing so will only destroy my person and my career.

I will send you more details when you reply to my message.

Awaiting hearing from you soonest.Regards,

[official’s name]

*****

A few things I noticed. I fancy myself I bit of an amateur detective since I watch a lot of Law and Order. First, he seems to favor British spellings. I have no idea what to make of this since the criminals on L&A are invariably American (except British nannies and Japanese gangsters). Second, I thought it was a nice touch that 30% is going to charity. That way you think, “Well I’m helping a corrupt official, but I’m doing it for the poor orphans!” Very convincing. Finally, something that I did not put in the post is that it was addressed to “Undisclosed Recipients” and came from a “.com.cn” address. In other words, this official that could be put to death for corruption sent it out to his entire Facebook mailing list. Not exactly the subtlest tactic. No he didn’t use his ministry email account if you were wondering, although that would have been pretty convincing [that I was dealing with a moron].

Anyway, if he ends up getting indicted you heard it here first, and if you want to cash on this bonanza just wire 10,000 dollars into my offshore account and I’ll make sure to put you in touch as soon as I get back from Thailand.

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