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What Is Identity and Why Is It Important for Expats?
Author Carolyn Vines
by Carolyn Vines, author of black and (A)broad: traveling beyond the limitations of identity
Identity is a slippery term that scholars, philosophers and psychologists have been grappling with for decades. When we hear the word “identity”, we know what it means but would find it difficult to answer the question who am I? To be sure, we all have an identity and all assume that we know who we are when, in reality, few of us regularly take time out to consider that all-important question.
“Our identity is construed in and by the contexts in which we live and breathe,” explains Doug Ota, expat psychologist. “Our friends and neighbors know us as a particular personality; we have track records at work and school that make our every move, gesture, and even joke somewhat predictable. We don’t ‘know our identity’ any more than we are ‘known as’ a certain person.”
“International relocation,” Ota argues, “confronts the individual with the absence of the latter, ripping from us the context that provided witness to who we are, much as a planet would be gasping for air if its atmosphere were removed.”
It’s that space in between how we see ourselves and how we’re seen that an expatriate lifestyle shines a bright light on. If we’re lucky, we can use international relocation as an opportunity to reflect upon who we are and to ground our identity in terms more meaningful than gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, etc.
While convenient, these superficial and obvious definitions carry serious limitations. Not only do they prescribe how we behave, how we speak, what we believe and what we value in a particular cultural context, they leave little room for individual input.
Janneke Pulleman is a sparkling example of how the expatriate lifestyle challenges who we think we are. Before leaving her native Netherlands for a four-year assignment in Guangzhou, China, Pulleman had reflected little about her identity. Rather than considering who she was, she was more worried about being able to deal with the extreme heat and isolation in a culture so different than the Dutch one.
Moving away from her cultural context, she learned to see herself with different eyes.
“I thought I was an easy eater,” she reflects. “Guess what? I’m not! I was too afraid to try chicken feet, pig’s legs and other Chinese delicacies.”
Dutch culture teaches children to eat what is served to them. Even more fascinating is that it allows one or two foods that children don’t have to like! It’s no wonder that Pulleman might answer who am I? with I’m an easy eater!
Pulleman also saw herself as adventurous perhaps because Dutch culture places a high value on travel. As a result of living and working in China, she’s discovered that she’s not as adventurous as she thought she was. “Living abroad is a big adventure, but traveling a lot just to see every city is not me anymore. It’s taught me that Rotterdam is not a big city, but a small town. I’ve learned to be more patient.”
Even for those who have reflected on their identity, international relocation, especially from the West to a country like China, can shake one’s foundations. “Staying true to yourself can be a challenge when you move to a new culture. You may find yourself trying hard to fit in or you may feel misplaced and uncomfortable within your new environment,” maintains Kama Frankling, English relocation counselor now residing in Australia.
This was certainly true for Robin Pascoe. More than twenty years ago, she left her native Canada to accompany her husband, who worked for the Foreign Service, on the first of many overseas assignments. At the time, a big part of Pascoe’s identity was wrapped around being a journalist. As was the case, and still is in many countries, as an accompanying spouse, she was not allowed to work.
“I never truly reconciled myself to being the one who had to constantly shape-shift,” she reflects. “I’m not very diplomatic and I always wanted to have my own identity as a journalist which was definitely denied me.”
Pascoe refused to let go of her identity, even when others in her social circle made it clear that she was seen as nothing more than an accompanying spouse. Ironically, she would go on to write about being on the receiving end of contempt when, tired of not being asked about her professional aspirations, she dared to speak up about them.
“I was angry at our government for sending out spouses so hopelessly unprepared for the challenges the assignment would present to them, as the wife.” So she established herself as an author with her first book A Wife’s Guide (re-issued in 2009 as A Broad Abroad), written and published while living in countries (Taiwan and China) and within a subculture that refused to see her as she saw herself.
She began “touring the world, lecturing about my books at international schools, women’s clubs and to business groups,” and, indeed, came to feel at home in the world and in herself.
Frankling agrees that identity is essential to expats. “The secret is to know who you are before you leave for your new home.” Her advice is to do what Pascoe did: “Get in touch with your true inner values. Build on your self-esteem through your dreams and fit a routine of self-care in to your everyday living.” Most of all “remain true to you.”
Finally, Ota reflects that “mobility forces philosophy (i.e. considerations of identity) into every one of our suitcases.” It offers us the chance to travel deep within to discover that we’re more than our features, the food we eat or the festivals we celebrate. External definitions will change; getting to know our core selves can be the one constant amidst such unpredictability.
link to Carolyn Vines
link to Doug Ota
link to Robin Pascoe
link to Kama Frankling
Related posts:
- Inspirational Expats
- Are China Expats De-Facto Colonialists?
- All Expats in China are Crazy II
- All Expats in China are Crazy III
- Earthquake Preparedness for Expats
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Great writing as always Ernie. These are interesting folk you interviewed.
That’s the work of Carolyn Vines, actually.
Thanks so much for this one Ernie, I just took on a new consulting practice doing career and cultural counselling for expats and their spouses… very timely!!!
Right on, Carolyn! It is so often that the focal point of what we consider our identity comes from the outside — from who we think we should be according to the outside world — and may very well not match who we really are. Remember in the movie Fight Club one of the characters says: “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. …” But the trouble is that lots of times we actually think that this is who we are – that these outside influences of our families, our friends, our societies are our truths and our identities!
And then because we mistakenly identify ourselves with that one thing — when we move and no longer have it — we feel like we are losing ourselves. That one familiar thing, that one thing that everyone thinks and says is important, is gone and now what? Who are we now? What’s our sense of purpose? Where do we fit?
The truth is – our sense of purpose and our identity has nothing to do with what the outside world thinks is important. Yes, it is of course possible that all those things are important to us too, but it doesn’t mean they ARE us. Because we are a lot more than that. But often times we don’t know it because the outside world is so LOUD in expressing its opinion, we cannot hear ourselves. If everything around us is amplified, we really can hear nothing.
This issue of identity comes through so often among expats that I actually I made a short video on it: http://globalcoachcenter.com/specialized-coaching/116-10-weeks-wisdom-expat-club#Summary%20Video
This article is spot on, Carolyn. I especially like your comment about moving to a different culture shines a spotlight on ‘that space in between how we see ourselves and how we’re seen’. In the end, I believe both views end up changing.
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good presentation.