Visiting in Ancient China

The common impression of ancient China suggests that there was little time for visiting friends. Peasants were too busy staving off famine, and nobles were too busy currying court favor for something as frivolous as hanging out at someone else’s place. The largely communal nature of Chinese public life, also, suggests that when friends did get together, it was at a tea house or drinking hall.

During the winter months, peasants had ample time for paying visits, but they’ve always been down to earth, so there was little remarkable in their home gatherings. In elite circles, however, visiting involved many complex protocols, for both host and guest. For the higher ranks every movement, gesture, and remark was supposed to fall well within the strict boundaries of Confucian morality.

The propriety began even before guest and host looked each other in the eye. A calling card, or ming tie, bearing the invitee/inviter’s name and the date proposed for meeting would be delivered. The messenger would bring back confirmation and details, or the ming tie, which meant the request to visit had been turned down. If accepted, one of the many, many rules dictated that guests bring at least a few lower ranking attendees to ease the host’s burden in niceties such as holding open doors, easing into robes, and reaching for the tea pot.

On the day of the visit, the host’s dwelling had been cleaned to spotless condition, with pictures hung especially for the occasion. One such picture commonly employed for the event showed a stack of monkeys perched on each other’s shoulders, symbolizing rapid promotion through the ranks and the attendant wealth of being top chimp. Red silk fabric hangings were also hung to lend a friendly atmosphere. For guests markedly more eminent than the hosts, Spring Festival lanterns were taken out of storage and hung strategically, as though the occasion held the promise of a new year.

First-time visitors were expected to bring gifts appropriate to the station of their hosts. Guests of those with considerably greater social status were well-advised to go deep in pocket to turn out a precious yet unostentatious gift: silver chopsticks, for example, or perhaps a jade bracelet set. Naturally, the gift was never to be opened in the presence of the guests, a tradition still observed to this day.

Visitors arriving at the house were reassured by a domestic standing at the threshold with a broom, a sign that the home had been cleaned and readied for some super-formal leisure time. Truly important guests, a magistrate, for example, would be greeted by the host at the entrance to the town or village. Whether at the city gate, or any entrance in the home, the host was duty bound to allow his guests through first. When a guest made ready to sit, the host would rush in for a few symbolic sweeps of the seat with a voluminous robe-sleeve, despite the significance of the broom-wielding servant.

For wintertime soirees, fabric mats were placed on the otherwise comfortless high-backed chairs so typical of traditional Chinese furnishing. In the summertime, the mats were made of bamboo. Speaking of seats, just as today, the highest ranking member of the gathering would take the one facing the door host. Next in the pecking order would be seated to the right, and next to the left, on down to the litter bearer in danger of getting his skull cracked every time the door was flung open.

When all were seated, servants would trot out the tea, effortlessly pouring in order of rank, thanks to the seating do-si-do. Cups were only filled to the two-thirds mark; a fully poured cup presented to a guest was a grave insult indicating he was no longer welcome. Besides, a cup filled below the brim made it easier to drink with minimal slurping, standard protocol for truly refined Chinese, and also to place the cup back down noiselessly.

Tea drinking sessions marked the passage of the visit; after the third round of sitting down to tea, guests were expected to say goodbye. Naturally, at least one full meal was expected to fall between the tea sessions, or if the visit was too short to run into meal time, at least some dainty snacks. Light and sweet porridges garnished with clear fungus were a traditional favorite.

Departures were marked by the host’s accompanying visitors to the door, another protocol still observed to this day. Expats are advised to follow it, whether they receive a Chinese visitor in home or office. His protests that such politeness is unnecessary is only a ruse to disguise his delight at your consideration. You can gauge your estimation similarly. You should be seen at least to the elevators after a visit. Those seen only to the front door are best off searching for a new Chinese friend.

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