China Expat is a cultural and literary forum for expatriates interested in China and has been published by Asia Briefing Ltd since 2001. The sites resident China culture writers have included such expatriate luminaries as 
Don’t Get Married in Hui An
by Ernie Diaz
With so much custom aimed at keeping men and women from making like birds and bees, it’s a wonder China is the world’s most populous nation. The bafflement deepens on contemplating the people of Hui An, in Fujian Province. There, even the wedding ceremony doesn’t confer the right for bride and groom to do what comes natural. Furthermore, the new couple won’t live together until the birth of their child, an event delayed by every artifice.
It starts out innocently enough, as weddings go. The bride is led out of her parent’s home and over a pot of coals. Red cloth draped over her head, she makes her way to the doorway of the groom’s home, where firecracker racket scares away evil spirits. The groom removes her red cloth and it’s off to the bridal chamber.
Herein a SFW but factual account of what goes on in the chamber. The groom mumbles a few words of benediction and removes himself to a friend’s home, presumably to guzzle bai jiu, smoke, and wonder why he was born. The bride may have a few female friends and relatives sit with her in the chamber, but as often she sits alone; her new husband won’t be joining her that night, or even sleeping in the home.
It’s just her and a massive head dress that took five skilled women a day to craft, complexly interwoven with her tresses. After three solo nights at the husband’s home, she returns to her parents, where she will reside until she gives birth.
How on earth is that going to happen? Good question. On returning, if her headdress is not still in perfect condition, the new bride can count on a year’s mocking from the rest of her family. She can finally cast the thing off, though, and get to pretending the whole ceremony never happened. Life continues as before marriage.
She will only see her husband on the Spring Festival, Tomb Sweeping Day, Mid-Autumn Festival, and the winter solstice. Now when she visits his home, a veil covers her face, only removed after dark. The same three day rule applies; she must be gone by sun up of the fourth day, lest terrible evil befall the household.
With such dismal odds of procreation, a young wife can count on at least two to three years of this quasi-married lifestyle, five to eight on average. Many Hui An villagers aver to knowing of couples that went more than a decade, and it’s not at all inconceivable that natural causes have kept some unlucky couples permanently apart.
Even those that put their quarterly conjugal visits to good use and conceive face a last hurdle. The child may not be born at the mother’s house. It must be born at the father’s, but only after dark. Over the years, untold thousands of fetuses uninformed of such shamanistic wisdom have forced Hui An mothers, their time upon them, to give birth on the roadside.
As the astute may have by now surmised, such customs are greatly relaxed in today’s Hui An. By no means an isolated minority tribe, the people of Hui An had to dispense with a lot of traditional tomfoolery to adapt to the exigencies of a new socialist paradise. Times have become less rigorous, and many couples still live with their respective parents after the wedding. However, visiting is much freer and easier, and procreation has lost most of its associated shame. Some customs are better read about than practiced.
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Now you tell me!! I thought the hui an wedding would be a cake walk. Damn you china expat, damn youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We feel your pain.
In China nearly 20 million people get married every year, but first they have to pass the premarital medical examination. As a client of the process myself 10 years ago, I recall that the examination was a minor hurdle in the bureaucratic mire of getting married.
When you are twenty; people start asking when you will get married LOL
THE number of men in China of marriageable age is 18 million more than that of women, according to family planning authorities. The sex ratio at birth in rural areas is 122.85 boys to every 100 girls, higher than the national average of 119.58:100
I am hoping one day in the future it helps other men who find their one true love abroad as well.
Does anyone know if it is possible to get married in china if neither of them are Chinese and the bride is from one country and the groom is from a different country?
Example: They are currently living in China, he is from Germany and she is from Canada. Can they get married in china?
The town is known to the French and Spanish as Faifo, and by similar names in Portuguese and Dutch. A number of theories have been put forth as to the origin of this name.Today, Hội An is still a small city, but it attracts a fair number of tourists, also being a well-established place on the backpacker trail. Many visit for the numerous art and craft shops and tailors.
Some scholars have suggested that it comes from the word “hải-phố” meaning “sea town”, while others have said that it is more likely simply a shortening of Hội An-phố (會安浦), “the town of Hoi An”, to “Hoi-pho” which became “Faifo”.[1]
In 1999, the old town was declared a World Heritage site by UNESCO as a well-preserved example of a Southeast Asian trading port of the 15th to 19th centuries, with buildings that display a unique blend of local and foreign influences.
This seems like a lot of strees . Chinese people sem likehard workers and have unusual lives…..
In communities or groups of people where relationships are vital and everyone is interconnected, the social pressure would make huis more difficult to collapse as personal and family reputations were at stake; neighbors knew where you lived! In groups where relationships are not so tangible or direct, it’s much more difficult for the organizer of the hui to evaluate the ‘creditworthiness’ of each participant.
THE number of men in China of marriageable age is 18 million more than that of women, according to family planning authorities
there is definitely more men then women here. the men are definitely in great shape here.
Hopefully one day they amend this so that their are no boundaries on love like this!
Cheers Love Songs
OMG! You are scarring me! You are right, this ritual makes you wonder why Chinese people are so many. Never in my wildest dream had I thought that these people go through all the “trouble” to become rightfully married. I suppose catering agencies for weddings are out of question in China, hypothetically speaking…
Well, they're usually held at restaurants, making a caterer a bit of a third wheel…
Hui marriage practices tend toward endogamy in all respects, especially in the northwestern part of China, where the Hui are culturally and religiously conservative. There one finds pronounced village endogamy, surname endogamy, and religious-order endogamy. The prevalence of these types of endogamy has led to some first-cousin marriages, and marriages between those who share a common ancestor within five generations, which is now illegal under Chinese law.
Let's hope to heaven so.
It is increadible! But at the same time the tradition is very interesting. I wonder how it managed to survive in time. You know I read one book about wedding ceremony in different cultures (I found this book at the rapidfiles search engine http://rapid4me.com )but the author ommitted this very tradition. And it would be the most extraordinary.
Thanks for describing awesome traditions and posting great pictures. I was surprised finding out that red is central to the wedding theme of China. Probably it signifies love, joy and the variety of traditions and maybe somehow is linked to the Sun and astrological signs! I would be really glad to be a part of the customs this day provides.
Nah – it's easy. You mean an informed view? Yeah, that's a little harder.
Whenever the married women get together, their main concerns will be revolved around their families. At certain points; I would say, it is a bit upsetting.
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Probably it signifies love, joy and the variety of traditions and maybe somehow is linked to the Sun and astrological signs! I would be really glad to be a part of the customs this day provides.
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First three times were enough, eh?
I think Hui An has got too many customs. I think guys would prefer women from Beijing or Shanghai.
A number of theories have been put forth as to the origin of this name.Today, Hội An is still a small city, but it attracts a fair number of tourists, also being a well-established place on the backpacker trail.
Nice pics love it hehe
Wow, reading this I realized how much I need to read more about other cultures ! To me this sounds awful, and I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but then again I come from a different place with different traditions. Beautiful photos !!
It’s only awful if you believe those Hui An folk are just like us. Thus is PC the balance preserved.