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The Mosuo and Their Walking Marriages
by Ernie Diaz
Why is it common in the villages around Lugu Lake to see young rather than old men strolling about at dawn, tired but content-looking? They’re returning from a zou hun, or walking marriage, one of the most un-Chinese traditions you’ll find in China.
The walking marriage is a Mosuo custom, not Naxi, the predominant ethnic minority in Yunnan Province’s Lugu Lake area. And yes, there’s a difference, unless Liverpool is pretty much the same as Manchester, and Canadian culture is a subset of American.
The Mosuo get most of their PR juice from the widely-held myth that it is a matriarchal society, where women make the rules, have all the rights, and peace reigns as a result. More accurate though to call the Mosuo matrilineal, and for typically historic reasons. Until they became a tourist industry, the Mosuo were a society of an elite few ruling the downtrodden many. The nobility were unrepentantly patriarchal, and long ago imposed a matrilineal tradition on the plebes, to eliminate threats to their power.
Creative repression does have long-term benefits for the repressed, apparently. Although far from the authoritative earth-mothers feminists would like them to be, Mosuo women have suffered far fewer social strictures than their woeful Han counterparts, and an amazingly progressive institution, the walking marriage.
As with mating moths and cats, it’s the male Mosuo who does the traveling. After her right of passage initiation, a pubescent Mosuo girl gets a skirt and her own bedroom, although the rest of the household is typically communal, and privacy a rare commodity. Once she has passed puberty, she may begin to arrange walking marriages.
Remarkable as her sexual freedom is, intimacy is always a matter of discretion, and walking marriages are arranged secretly between just the prospective partners. Thus the Mosuo man’s practice of walking to his date’s home only after dark (Mosuo village streets are notoriously underlit), and scurrying home in the dawn hours when anyone cheeky enough to make remarks is still abed.
We can learn as much about ourselves in our reaction to the walking marriage as we do about the Mosuo. Inevitably, the myth has grown that Mosuo women are insatiably promiscuous, and that their boudoirs resemble open casting calls, with new talent auditioned nightly. Far from it. Although it would be uncommon for a Mosuo woman to have only one partner life-long, the majority of such couplings are usually long-term. Moreover, it is likewise unusual for a Mosuo woman to have more than one partner at a time, many of the pairings lasting a lifetime. And we’re still reading angry editorials about the immoral new practice of “serial monogamy”.
Yet even if the walking marriage becomes an extended arrangement, the man will never take up residence with his partner’s family, nor the woman with his. He already has a family he’s responsible to, as does she. No new nuclear family ambitions for the Mosuo, or sharing of property.
When children are begotten out of the walking marriage, the father carries no obligation, as startling to a born-and-bred Confucian as it is to a Presbyterian. If willing, he signals his choice to take an active role in the child’s upbringing with gifts to the mother’s family, and stated intention to do so. This brings him a certain status within the family, but by no means a claim of kinship. The child takes his mother’s family name, daddy or no.
One can almost hear Pat Robertson’s moral indignation sizzling, as he makes quick associations between the Mosuo system, the welfare state, and all that plagues degenerate modern society. Were he to take an in-depth tour of the Lijiang vicinity, however, he would find very few mature males loitering on street corners. A mature Mosuo man is honor-bound to stay with his mother’s family, and provide for all the children born to the women in that family, none of whose bedrooms he’s ever walked to.
Women choosing partners as they please, men caring not for their flesh and blood but that of their sisters – if it all sounds a little too communal and hippy dippy, consider the historically atypical consequences. Mosuo girls don’t grow up to be sold off to another family, and therefore have enjoyed esteem as something more than another clan’s mouth to feed.
Goodbye preference for males, hello gender equality. Not Andrea Dworkin equality, with boys wearing skirts and girls playing football, but gender balance. Too many males and there won’t be enough children to grow the household. Too many females means not enough bacon brought home. This leads to the practice of adopting and even swapping male and female children between households. If the kids get confused, at least they never get lonely. The Mosuo culture is one of inclusivity, inclusive on a higher level than that of the otherwise inescapable blood bond. It’s hard not to wonder what such a system might do in other parts of the world, where no blood relations means isolation, the plague of the 21st century.
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The Mosuo are a non-Chinese ethnic minority living within the boundaries of China.
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I just came across these documentaries that also have shown the marriage customs they undertake , their vivid display of culture shows their sensual art of socialising.
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Before coming of age, children are forbidden to participate in certain activities, particularly those that involve religious ceremonies. Also, a child who dies before having this ceremony will not receive the traditional funeral.
After coming of age, Mosuo females can get their own private bedroom; and, once past puberty, can begin to invite partners for “walking marriages”.
Walking Marriages.. i saw it before.
Knockoff Purses…i saw it before.
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Very interesting article about the Mosuo culture. I really learned a lot. Good deal.
I thought it was really interesting. A culture with transposed gender roles or nearly so. It is good to see an Asian culture that looks at both genders with equality.
The head is the most capable woman in the family and is highly respected by other members. She has both an honorary status and important responsibilities since everyone counts on her to make decisions in handling family affairs.
Although culturally distinct from the Nakhi, the Chinese government places them as members of the Naxi (or Nakhi) minority. Their culture has been documented by indigenous scholars Lamu Gatusa and Latami Dashi
Really awesome culture. The Chinese are really beloved to their culture and I envy that being from the U.S. The U.S. should show some more class in my opinion
Marriage as other cultures know it is uncommon among the Mosuo; they prefer a visiting relationship between lovers–an arrangement they sometimes refer to in their language as sisi (walking back and forth). At about the age of twelve, a Mosuo gift is given a coming-of-age ceremony, and after puberty, she is free to receive male visitors.
Marriage as other cultures know it is uncommon among the Mosuo; they prefer a visiting relationship between lovers–an arrangement they sometimes refer to in their language as sisi (walking back and forth). At about the age of twelve, a Mosuo gift is given a coming-of-age ceremony, and after puberty, she is free to receive male visitors.
interesting on how others live their lives in other parts of the world…
The names, as well as the common ownership of the house and the land, are exclusively inherited through the female line.
The Mosuo culture defies categorization within traditional Western definitions. They have aspects of a matriarchal culture, in that women are, in many households, the head of the house, property is passed through the female line, and women tend to make the business decisions.
All other societies where women are considered inferior to men, should learn from this. Very commendable indeed.
You got it.
The Mosuo culture defies categorization within traditional Western definitions. They have aspects of a matriarchal culture, in that women are, in many households, the head of the house, property is passed through the female line, and women tend to make the business decisions. But political power tends to be in the hands of males, which disqualifies them as a true matriarchy.
Second, the relationship is based on love, and no money or dowry is involved in it. If a couple feels contented, they stay together. If they feel unhappy, they can go their separate ways. As a result, there is little fighting.” A Long told us that he used to have several lovers but started to have a stable relationship with one when she had her first child.
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A culture with transposed gender roles or nearly so. It is good to see an Asian culture that looks at both genders with equality.Mosuo females can get their own private bedroom; and, once past puberty, can begin to invite partners for “walking marriages”.
The Mosuo people in a walking marriage maintain their marriage only by their affection without involving in material or interest factors.
You got it, sport.
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the musuo and their walking marriages… very interesting. thanks for the post
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They have aspects of a matriarchal culture, in that women are, in many households, the head of the house, property is passed through the female line, and women tend to make the business decisions. But political power tends to be in the hands of males, which disqualifies them as a true matriarchy.
Great blog, I love all chinese, excelent.
Although culturally distinct from the Nakhi, the Chinese government places them as members of the Naxi (or Nakhi) minority. Their culture has been documented by indigenous scholars Lamu Gatusa and Latami Dashi
Thanks for this great insightful piece and pics! The traditional or so-called civilized world has so much to learn from these people! I thought that since a man isn't obliged to raise his children, it would give them too much freedom and women too much work. But now I realize that Mosuo women are the happiest members in their families. I like their adage: "Men's heaven, women's world."
Although culturally distinct from the Nakhi, the Chinese government places them as members of the Naxi (or Nakhi) minority. Their culture has been documented by indigenous scholars Lamu Gatusa and Latami Dashi (the collection of papers that he edited, published in 2006, contains an extensive list of references in Chinese, and a bibliography of books and articles in other languages (especially English) compiled by He Sanna.
The Mosuo live at the shores of lake Lugu, situated on the South-West of China, it has common borders with the provinces of Sichuan and Yunnan.
Their culture has been documented by indigenous scholars Lamu Gatusa and Latami Dashi (the collection of papers that he edited, published in 2006, contains an extensive list of references in Chinese, and a bibliography of books and articles in other languages (especially English) compiled by He Sanna.
How does a matriarchy really work? Argentinian writer Ricardo Coler decided to find out and spent two months with the Mosuo in southern China. “Women have a different way of dominating,” the researcher told SPIEGEL ONLINE.
The Mosuo generally live in large extended families, with many generations (great grandparents, grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc.) all living together within the same house. For the most part, everyone lives within communal quarters, without private bedrooms or living areas.
The Mosuo speak a dialect of the Naxi language, a member of the Tibetan-Burman family. While there is no question that the language of the “Mosuo” and that of the “Naxi” are very closely related (i.e. dialects of one and the same language).
Although culturally distinct from the Nakhi, the Chinese government places Mosuo as members of the Naxi (or Nakhi) minority.
There is also a very important historical component which is often misunderstood to those studying the Mosuo. Historically, the Mosuo have had a feudal system in which a small nobility controlled a larger peasant population.
Mosuo homes are generally designed as four rectangular structures, built in a square, with an open central courtyard. Animals and humans will live together in this home, with much of the first floor dedicated to housing for the livestock, such as water buffalo, horses, geese, and poultry.
Its really very nice information to share with us, the Musuo marriage ceremony, i had never heard about this type of interesting marriage culture like before, its great post.
I would love to visit China and take part in the traditions that they have. They also have amazing costumes and I love the way that they traditionally wear red.