In China, Two Wheels Beat Four

Pity that China’s idea of playing catch up with the West means aping its pointless over-consumption, which is nowhere better exemplified than in the “one man, one vehicle” approach to transportation. True, there are few things more comfortable to occupy in a traffic jam than an Audi A8, watching the pedestrians pass you by. But what’s a time-strapped, sustainability-minded soul to do?

Subway and bus options are sensible but masochistic choices come warm weather, unless you have underdeveloped olfactory powers. Cycling is great exercise, but none of your colleagues will appreciate your toned hips and buns when you arrive to work sweatier than James Brown in a Santa Suit. Solution: get a two wheeler with a motor.

Electric Bike

Cost: 600 – 2200 RMB

Pro: Pretty much the cheapest and most sustainable form of motorized transport available, the electric bike gives you the option of buzzing along ahead of bicyclists, or using pedal power yourself when you get the exercise urge.

Con: In China, mass and velocity determine right of way, so you still have to deal with all the road obstacles an ordinary cyclist would. Plus, you’re not going any further than about 10km without a charge.

Perfect For: Latent tree-huggers, under-salaried sloggers

Racing Bike

Cost: 18000 RMB – 165000 RMB

Pro: Hunched over a 1000cc growling beast, the howl of your engine reverberating for blocks around, you are master and commander, leaving your insecurities in the dust.

Con: Indeed, the crotch rocket is the ultimate escape vehicle – just beware the crash landing, the one where you wake up dead or in the IC ward, gazing in mute horror at the flat sheets where your legs should be. Don’t worry though, the lack of open road in most Chinese city centers means you’ll seldom have the chance to see what your baby can do.

Perfect for: Death-welcoming nihilists, teens too young to know better, twenty-somethings who should

Scooter

Cost: 2800 – 6500 RMB

Pro: Scooters have the zip of small motorcycles but are much less conspicuous, so you can ride roads, bike paths, and sidewalks with equal ease, flaunting traffic laws like a an official late to a KTV party.

Con: Not enough guts to hang on a ring road, and you’re still not getting respect from four-wheeled motorists even though you’re going just as fast, so you’ll often find yourself muscled to the side of the road at 50kmph, just as a bus lurches to a stop in front of you.

Perfect for: Eurotrash, latter-day mods, Pee Wee Herman fans

Sidecar Motorcycle

Cost: 12000 – 32000 RMB

Pro: Nothing says “unconventional expat” like the sidecar. Pulling up to a club on one will confer enough Fonzie points to get anyone a few phone numbers. With 750 ccs under your keister, you can roar along the ring roads, cutting off QQs and minibuses with impunity. The three wheels mean no balancing act is necessary in maintaining your moto-chic.

Con: The sidecar makes your rig the width of a Xiali, so you’re just as stuck as car drivers when the going gets slow. And, if you don’t like visiting the repair shop regularly, forget the sidecar altogether, or read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”(Pirsig).

Perfect for: Guys with mid-life crises and no funds to buy sports cars, white-collar wannabe rebels.

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