Those Chinese Text Messages
“Beep” or whatever noise your phone is programmed to make – yet another text message has arrived on your mobile. If your phone isn’t programmed for Chinese text, they’ll show up as little squares on your screen, and if it is, a dazzling array of characters appear, usually incomprehensible to most foreigners in China. They arrive in sequences too, several within the space of a few minutes. As soon as your friend’s phone gets a message, likely chance you will within the next few seconds. Sometimes, phone calls too, from Chinese people you don’t know. So what are they ?
Turning to my phone this morning at breakfast, I study what has arrived overnight. Beep ! A message asking if I want to sell my apartment and the contact details of a property agent to call who can help me. Beep ! A message asking if I need English language lessons and the phone and email details of an erstwhile English teacher. Beep ! A message from a Chinese brokerage asking if I would like to invest in shares – the market is hot right now and I can make money ! Beep ! A message asking if I need ‘fa piao’ – official receipts – in order to reduce my tax bill.
China Mobile are selling their phone subscriber lists, and if you’ve got a Chinese phone number, you’ll be targeted for some hard selling. China Mobile are also a State Owned Enterprise, with shares held by the government – yet at the same time they’re promoting the illegal avoidance of tax by having businesses sell dodgy receipts to their subscribers. There’s China -in all it’s contradictions- right there, in a text message.
Then, if you meet a certain profile – such as address – China Mobile charges more for selling specific lists. In a wealthy part of town ? You’ll get personal calls from real estate agents. Sunday, 8pm, having dinner with my family. Ring ! “Do you want to sell your house ?” “Not while I’m eating”.
Beep !
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My new year resolution is as follows:
1. Alienate my brother. Have anxiety attacks.
2. Sell my home. Have anxiety attacks.
3. Buy another home worth exponentially more. Have anxiety attacks.
4. Get married. Actually, no anxiety attacks.
5. Think about going on a honeymoon, have anxiety attacks, cancel all thoughts about that.
6. Get laid off. Waiting for anxiety attacks.
You know what? 2007 was doozie enough. I’m not making any damn new year resolutions. Screw that. I’m taking 2008 off.